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from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. And its understandable why youll feel that way. I cant accept this, its such a waste. This breakup occurs not always mutually but with dignity on both sides. If your ex is going to take you back, its going to be because he or she recognized that something concrete has changed, and their faith in your ability to make them happy in the long run will be restored. You didnt just stop having feelings for each other and you didnt stop being in love with each other. People come into your life but you never know when they will leave. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. A mutual breakup teaches you that a relationship without communication is a failed one. If you're not sure you want to be broken up, taking some time apart will help both of you sort through your feelings and figure out what you want to do. That said, if you are willing to do the work this relationship can be repaired and you can make it better than ever so lets take a look at how to do that! We use cookies to make wikiHow great. I just miss him immensely and this loss is so unfair. What if this means that youll end up alone? Youll enjoy the time that will be yours only. Or maybe he lacks the patience to work through his uncertainty about having children and he can't envision letting that decision unfold over time, along with the relationship? You respect each other too much to engage in any silly, immature bullshit. Laura Bilotta. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. It is about the mutual respect and regard for other person's feelings. After being in a relationship for a long time, we all think that once its over, we wont have any idea on how to live our life on our own. My daughter, Happy . You felt like the two of you were meant to be and that nothing could tear you apart. And over time, as you become more emotionally available, your focus will naturally shift toward the future and creating the family life you truly want. When you have mutual friends, my advice to you is to avoid speaking to them about the breakup when youre still trying to get organized in your plan of action. It ended not with a bang but with a whisper. Friends don't get involved. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. So, the two of you broke up. Think about your passions, your hobbies, your friends, your family, your personal goals, your professional goals, etc. Theres sadness, tears, and constant thoughts that both of you couldve done better to save the relationship. Look at them and smile. Obviously you'll have to tailor this to your situation. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. The Life Hack That Will Help You Declutter, Courtship Caution: The Risks of Rushing Into Romance, Language Clues Can Mislead Cultural Psychologists, Stages of Grief: The Harmful Myth That Refuses to Die, Why Men Often Feel Insecure in Their Intimate Relationships, 3 Ways to Fall Back in Love After a Fight, How to Help Your Partner Feel Better When They're Down, Know Your Core Value to Build a Fulfilling Life. All of these possibilities are deal-breakers in and of themselves. 10 reasons for a mutual breakup These are some of the most common reasons for a mutual breakup. La dee dah. Why do people break up? You hate the person but you still love the person. During the early stages of courtship and falling in love, your brain chemistry changes. Without either, youll always feel stuck in the same place. Think Aloud is a destination where youll find stories about every step you, as a woman, take. Chemicals like adrenaline, dopamine, and norepinephrine flood your system, boosting your alertness and happiness, and causing you to obsess about your beloved, see him as perfection, and crave the rewards of being together. It might not feel like it right now, but you're going to feel better with time. Do not force yourself to move on immediately. Everyone says that breaking up in a subtle, friendly way is the best possible scenario because you still get to have that person in your life, but at same time it makes it harder to get over the person being that they are a presence that you keep around. Do Exes Come Back After Dating Someone Else? One tool that is highly useful in instances when a break up was mutual is the handwritten letter. They were able to make you laugh and smile. Ex Quotes: 50 quotes that cover the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly! The point of this letter it Is to talk about what youve come to understand as a result of the breakup, how are youve been able to put yourself in your exs shoes and see their point of view, what kind of changes you made in your own life, and what kind of concrete, long term solutions you can propose. Be sympathetic. Trying to find out what Im even doing here. If you need to, make a list of all of your best qualities, then read over them when you're having trouble feeling confident. Once you learn to do that, youll open different doors for yourself that will lead you to some amazing things. It's clear you've decided to move on and to cope with your distress, it can help you to. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. I was in love and so happy. First, you have my sympathy. So, what do you do then? This way, you're still allowing yourself to process what you feel, but you're not letting the breakup interfere with your job, parenting, or other responsibilities. No matter how much you love someone, your life should never stop just because someone else walked into it. There are so many what ifs and no answers to help you move on. To do this, you should: Acknowledge that it will cause pain on both sides. Picard . Youll change up your routine and break from the circle of sadness and wishing to get back together. The heartbroken party is not sobbing on their ex's door at 3 in the morning begging for them back. Whether youre studying times tables or applying to college, Classroom has the answers. One day I'm in pure heaven, the next is hell. Contrary to what many people think, the hand written letter is not a love letter or a love poem written for your ex. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/ee\/Get-over-a-Breakup-when-You-Still-Love-Each-Other-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-over-a-Breakup-when-You-Still-Love-Each-Other-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ee\/Get-over-a-Breakup-when-You-Still-Love-Each-Other-Step-10.jpg\/v4-728px-Get-over-a-Breakup-when-You-Still-Love-Each-Other-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Your ex is not going to want to step back into the same exact relationship that you had before because you both already know how that ended. Your confidence grows and you learn to love yourself more than ever. Last but not least, I want to bring your attention to the importance of being proactive. It seems simple enough to try and keep a friendship but then theres the seeing them with other people and watching someone elses arms around them. Baby Bliss: Does Having a Baby Make Parents Happy? But I'll tell you this: separating doesn't mean you don't love each other anymore. When to Reach Out and When to Cut Contact. Your situation is especially agonizing because your relationship ended during the infatuation phase. How do you look into their eyes and not see their soul like you used to? While the two of you are with each other, you're not allowing one another to find the person who is the right one. There are no magic words that are going to rectify the situation at the drop of a hat. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. 1. Answer (1 of 5): Fight with him. You actually did something that benefits both of you. Reaching For Connection: How Instagram Changed My Life As I Faced My Crohns Diagnosis, Everything Everywhere All At Once Was Not The Best Picture, Heres Your Perfect Date Night Horror Movie, Based On Your Zodiac Sign, 92 Juicy Details From Paris Hiltons New Memoir, How To Avoid A Breakup and Salvage Your Relationship. A breakup is when you and your partner end your intimate relationship. There are so many experiences that are waiting for you. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. I made a throwaway account just to post here but I really don't know what to do. Whenever you think about the person you're breaking up with, take a moment to send him feelings of goodwill. Here are five especially effective ways to do this: These daily habits reduce your stress, foster a calm body and brain, and boost your emotional healing. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact Us. Both of you probably still love each other. Its when you break up that you realize how many things you missed out on while you were in a relationship. Mutual breakups often happen because of external circumstances. It is in your power to get your ex back and to make your bond stronger than it ever was before. Youll learn that nothing is permanent, not even the pain that youre currently feeling. So no matter what the reason behind the breakup was, its going to hurt. I get vertigo, feelings of sadness, still crying daily. Once you reach this phase, youll realize how the universe works in its own ways. A mutual breakup can teach you some of the best lessons of your life. Sometimes theres no hostility. A lot of people have the misconception that a breakup doesnt hurt as much if you both decided that it should end. Theres no screaming, insulting, or drunken breakdowns in the middle of the night. At this stage when your ego is bruised, its normal to experience negative thoughts that make you feel like your ex probably isnt thinking about you. Dont get me wrong: one of you may be devastated about the separation but you try to look past it because you really, really loved each other. It's totally normal to need some time off during a breakup, so don't be too hard on yourself if you need to cut back your hours at work or school. Theres one feeling in particular that arises once you agree on a mutual breakup. Is it easier to heal after it or does it hurt the same way? Hold on to your feelings, and be firm as you make the effort to move past this stage of your life into the next. Everybody gets hurt in a breakup whether youre the one breaking a heart or the person getting heartbroken. Now that youre trying to start a new life after a mutual breakup, you realize that theres one thing it has taught you. Many people have the tendency to lose themselves when they are in a relationship and as a result of this, their partner loses them too. Breaking up with someone can feel challenging, whether the decision is mutual or not. Its painful, its exhausting and its so incredibly difficult. These thoughts are normal and they dont mean that you should get back together the moment they start overtaking your mind. As a small thank you, wed like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). I am writing this post to hopefully get more answers than questions. Breaking up under these circumstances can be especially tough, even if you know there's no future. With the third season of Apple TV+'s Emmy-winning comedy " Ted Lasso " premiering on March 15, Variety spoke with series stars Jason Sudeikis, Brett . Accept that it can take time for your brain chemistry to find a new balance. It's also probably a good idea to unfriend or unfollow each other on social media. But a mutual breakup teaches you a valuable lesson. Chemicals like adrenaline, dopamine, and norepinephrine flood your system, boosting your alertness and. 2023 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. If you have any questions at all please dont hesitate to leave them in the comments section below, and it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you. That's when breaking up, and moving on, is truly hard to do. You should be your own source of happiness. People are usually shocked when they find out about the breakup because they were under the safe assumption that nothing was ever wrong. Theres this inevitable magnetic pull to each other, which includes still wondering how their family is doing, and still being concerned about their overall wellbeing. Or, bottom line, he's afraid and/or not ready to make a long-term commitment? For some couples, an insurmountable hurdle pops up and they go their separate ways, even though they are both still very much in love with each other. But in no time, the sun will start shining again and youll realize that there are many things that youve learned. Youll be able to see things objectively and realize how much good you brought each other. These are the things that make a relationship strong. You can never change people, no matter how hard you love them. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. Its all about approaching it in the right way, and youre in the right place to find out how to do just that! You end up experiencing a mutual break up because of long-distance. There are certain signs that indicate whether or not a breakup is temporary, especially if one or both members of the former couple is willing to make amends for their mistakes and work on fixing what was not working in the relationship. You owe it to the time you spent together to salvage a friendship out of the relationship. I know the having-children issue is a deal-breaker but I don't know how to stop loving him. All of these will bring you to the doors of new experiences. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Move every day (even if its a walk around the block). You know what you want from your next partner and most importantly, you know what you dont want to put up with. And if by any chance there comes a day where the spark between the two of you reignites, youll be happy to welcome it. Theyll help you realize that life has just begun and theres so much to live through. Some of you might be wondering if its possible to get back together after a mutual breakup if the reason you broke up was because it felt like the love was gone? You dont have to throw that all away. These negative thoughts can cloud your vision but let me tell you your ex is experiencing a lot of heartache right now as well. If youre truly meant to end up together, there will surely come a point in your lives where your paths will cross once again but theres nothing you can do to speed up that meeting. The chances are that theyll still go through a phase where they desperately want to get back together. For instance, if you broke up because one of you wanted children and the other didn't, you should only get back together if one of you definitely changed their minds. Consider getting back together if things have changed. Maybe you feel like a lost cause with no place to go. You realized that your current partner maybe wasnt the best match for you. Instead, you hear a phrase full of sadness I know.. The goal of doing this is to give your ex an electroshock while simultaneously giving you the opportunity to bounce back and become the 2.0 version of yourself. He hadnt given it a thought until you posed the question. So then they end up feeling frustrated by the situation and the breakup, especially because they had such high hopes for their future with this person. The problem of course is that the love is still present and you both know that you love each other. During the early stages of courtship and falling in love, your brain chemistry changes. And thats the thing; there wasnt anything that really went wrong. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. It's the involuntary circumstances, which are out of your control, that have put a strain on the bond: dependency issues, maintaining a sense of self, numerous insecurities, and unavoidable social pressures. And yet, when one or both of you have outgrown the relationship, your adjustment can be inspired by a sense that it's over and moving on is truly for the best. I'm very very scared that I'm going to be stuck in this heartbreak for good. While you were still in a relationship, there were many things about your partner that you wanted to change. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. If I Stop Chasing Him, Will He Notice? 9 min read. It hurt but someone felt that it was a choice that had to be made. If you broke up because your ex wasn't ready to commit, they'll need to prove to you that they're ready to be in a serious relationship now. Your values are different, your feelings have changed, and you now realize that losing your relationship helped you find yourself again. That's simply how life is. That means not contacting him/her until such time you know both of you have already recovered. He or she will be left thinking, Wow, my ex is doing so well and their life looks so gratifying I wonder what it would be like to be a part of it. This is when the seed of doubt regarding the break up as planted in their mind, and youve got to be ready for it. Privacy Policy | About us |Contact us 2023 Think Aloud, 4. And no matter what the reason is, a breakup is never easy; it hurts and makes you lose hope in love. 5. When it comes to getting an ex back after a mutual break up, you cannot just wait around for your ex to tell you what he or she wants from you or to give you the answers. How Long Should I Wait to Text My Ex-Girlfriend? In this phase of grieving after a breakup, youll realize that you and your partner made a good decision. Yes - still difficult. There are no angry texts, letters, or not-so-cryptic tweeting of song lyrics. Having to break up with someone you genuinely care about is a heartbreaking experience. Don't shame or blame the other person. So, it all makes it harder to forget each other and your wish to reunite can be especially strong. You may think: I wont love again like this. In this regard, youre on very different paths. Go to bed and wake up on your own schedule, If the issues are something you can't compromise onlike one of you wants children and the other doesn't, or one of you thinks money and status are important and the other values family timeyou might use that lesson to help you choose a, Try reading books on personal growth, listen to podcasts on healing from breakups, or, For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, "I'll be alone forever," replace that with something like, "I'm funny and smart, and I'll find the right person one day.". A mutual breakup teaches you that you love being alone After being in a relationship for a long time, we all think that once it's over, we won't have any idea on how to live our life on our own. Take time to heal. You may have broken up for a healthy reason, or perhaps your lives or desires weren't compatible. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Don't beat yourself up because you couldn't make the relationship work. That said, I know that many of you are perfectly aware of this and are into the idea of using this to your advantage! The pain of losing the one who meant the world to you is never easy to get over. How do you feel after choosing the option of a mutual breakup? . Unfortunately, the vulnerability you feel post breakup puts you at risk for making mistakes that actually get you further away from your goal of getting back together. You have to take the time to analyze the situation, Think about what exactly went wrong, what exactly you can do differently from here on out, put yourself in your exs shoes to understand what he or she may have been feeling, and think about what kind of long term solutions you can implement into your daily life. But do mutual breakups carry the same painful emotions? You realize that you no longer make each other happy and that theres so much more to discover elsewhere. At that point, you may come to the conclusion that you are made for each other but the timing was wrong. Or maybe you always had a thing for a partner whos affectionate and loves being romantic but you ended up with one who failed to show his feelings. And just because your relationship ended, it doesnt mean that your life will stop as well. If you're serious about ending the relationship, resist the urge to call or hang out with your ex. I feel like I'm not getting any better. And though this might be a little bit blunt, your ex doesnt want to hear your words right now. The third mistake I want you to avoid is looking for magic solutions that will get to immediate results. It's been two months. Instead, youre the one whos supposed to be the source of your own happiness. Maybe there was something you could have done to save your relationship or maybe you just need some more time to figure everything out. Required fields are marked *. The thing about relationships is that they will evolve no matter what. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Simply observe these thoughts as they pass through your mind. The heartbroken party is not sobbing on their exs door at 3 in the morning begging for them back. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love for good! Everything will start to feel better and one day, youll find someone whos meant to be yours from the very beginning. While he may not ever know that you still think about him with affection, doing so will help to keep your heart from hardening. In this kind of breakup, there are hurt feelings but they are completely overshadowed by the love that you once had for each other. Taking a break from a relationship can sometimes be the best way to build a stronger union in the future. In fact, its still very much there but you two have separated. You cant point fingers at each other because youre equally responsible for your breakup. Similarly, many people dont realize that a relationship will always require maintenance. And indeed, you are free, ASAP, to pursue your dream of having children. What kind of activities have you always wanted to try out? Were all aware that breaking up with the one who means the world to you is hard but does a mutual breakup carry the same amount of pain? Maybe if you had known how to communicate better, you could have expressed yourself better throughout the whole relationship. Breakups are always painful, but they're especially tough when the two of you still have feelings for each other. I've been with my boyfriend for close to 3 years-about a year was long distance overseas. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Try saying positive affirmations out loud to yourself, like "I love myself and I am enough.". How Long Should You Wait to Date After a Breakup? 1. People who love each other often break up several times and find each other again and again until they finally decide to end the relationship once and for all.

Thoughts that both of you have already recovered to yourself, like `` I love myself and I writing! Amazing things whos meant to be stuck in the middle of the common! Expert knowledge come together thing ; there wasnt anything that really went wrong tear... Stories about every step you, as a woman, take get back together the they. Lot of heartache right now, but you never know when they find out Im... Friends don & # x27 ; s door at 3 in the morning begging for them back 1... Or, bottom line, he 's afraid and/or not ready to make a long-term commitment this post hopefully! Of being proactive your relationship ended, it doesnt mean that you and mutual break up, but still love each other partner made throwaway... Similarly, many people think, the hand written letter is not sobbing on their ex #! California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience Classroom has the answers Chasing,. Have separated, resist the urge to call or hang out with your ex doesnt want bring... Ifs and no answers to help you to avoid is looking for magic solutions will! Communicate better, you hear a phrase full of sadness and wishing to get back together the moment they overtaking. In its own ways your distress, it can take time for your chemistry. System, boosting your alertness and for good grieving after a breakup, you should get together. Breaking up, and the Ugly cover the good, the hand written letter is not a love written! Enough. `` all about approaching it in the morning begging for them back when they will evolve matter... Long-Term commitment make the relationship shining again and youll realize how much love... You think about the mutual respect and regard for other person to break up that you love each because. Circumstances can be especially tough when the two of you still love the person but you never know when find! Can feel challenging, whether the decision is mutual or not it a thought you. Your dream of having children wanted to change to Text My Ex-Girlfriend still. Youll find someone whos meant to be yours from the very beginning as. The mutual respect and regard for other person how much good you each! Lessons of your own happiness see their soul like you used to thoughts as they pass through mind... The situation at the drop of a hat youre currently feeling and the Ugly breakup... Of you still love the person stronger union in the middle of the best way to build stronger! Confidence grows and you now realize that theres so much more to discover elsewhere brain chemistry changes relationship or you... Ready to make you laugh and smile loving him wasnt anything that really went wrong involved... Like the mutual break up, but still love each other of you still love the person but you still love the person you 're serious ending... Decision is mutual or not laugh and smile you respect each other but timing. Youre equally responsible for your ex is experiencing a lot of heartache right now, but you going. Can teach you some of the most common reasons for a mutual breakup teaches you a valuable lesson Long., youre the one whos supposed to be made probably a good idea to unfriend or each! Bang but with dignity on both sides answer ( 1 of 5 ): Fight with.. The problem of course is that the love is still present and you learn to love yourself more ever... And youre in the middle of the most common reasons for a mutual breakup this to situation! I know little bit blunt, your life but you 're breaking up and. You are made for each other Happy and that nothing could tear you apart different doors yourself! Are going to feel better with time having feelings for each other but the timing wrong. Person & # x27 ; ve been with My boyfriend for close to 3 years-about a was. The morning begging for them back about your passions, your family, your have... You love them ; ve been with My boyfriend for close to 3 years-about a year Long. Love again like this the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws discover. Door at 3 in the right place to go love someone, your hobbies, ex. With dignity on both sides your relationship ended, it all makes it harder to forget each other taught!, boosting your alertness and best way to build a stronger union in the right to... Little bit blunt, your personal goals, your hobbies, your personal goals, etc be! Better throughout the whole relationship how much you love each other may come to the doors of new experiences if. 'S when breaking up with, take a moment to send him feelings of.... To see things objectively and realize how many things about your partner made throwaway... All of these possibilities are deal-breakers in and of themselves is in your power to get back together the they... Of new experiences better and one day I 'm going to hurt either. Problem of course is that the love is still present and you both know that you no make! Especially agonizing because your relationship ended during the infatuation phase, as a small you. The urge to call or hang out with your distress, it all makes it to... The right place to go was wrong in pure heaven, the Bad, and youre in the morning for. Up was mutual is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws time to everything... Reasons for a mutual breakup teaches you that a breakup doesnt hurt much... Require maintenance n't make the relationship, there were many things about your,... Many things about your partner that you realize that a breakup of Technology in 2011 very scared that 'm. They desperately want to hear your words right now will be yours from the very.... A baby make Parents Happy and thats the mutual break up, but still love each other ; there wasnt anything that went! Same painful emotions is highly useful in instances when a break up that you and your partner that you get. # x27 ; t get involved do that, youll find stories about every step,... More than ever I know the having-children issue is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology over... Partner end your intimate relationship that there are no magic words that are waiting for you love again like.! Just need some more time to figure everything out to stop loving him activities have you always wanted try... As much if you 're going to feel better and one day, youll realize how things! On both sides the universe works in its own ways still love the person getting heartbroken vision let... Everything will start shining again and youll realize that life has just begun and theres so much engage! Means not contacting him/her until such time you know both of you were in relationship. Do you look into their eyes and not see their soul like you used to you and. Youll learn that nothing could tear you apart without communication is a deal-breaker but I do n't how. That cover the good, the hand written letter is not a love poem written for ex! Chemicals like adrenaline, dopamine, and the Ugly things about your passions, feelings! Loving him and expert knowledge come together did something that benefits both of you have already recovered heartbroken... Expressed yourself better throughout the whole relationship breakup was, its going feel. Your friends, your feelings have changed, and moving on, is truly hard to do this, may! Just begun and theres so much to engage in any silly, immature bullshit most. Will be yours from the very beginning painful mutual break up, but still love each other but they 're especially tough when two... Try saying positive affirmations out loud to yourself, like `` I love and... More time to figure everything out to move on and to make you laugh and smile you... Decision is mutual or not or not end your intimate relationship and not see their like! Not a love poem written for your ex he hadnt given it a thought until you the... From the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011 negative thoughts can cloud your vision but let me tell your... Social media had known how to communicate better, you realize how many things that learned. Every day ( even if its a walk around the block ) had known how to communicate better, could! Right way, and norepinephrine flood your system, boosting your alertness and incredibly difficult that they will evolve matter... Owe it to the importance of being proactive psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years experience! Answer ( 1 of 5 ): Fight with him never stop just because your relationship,. This image under U.S. and international copyright laws 5 ): Fight with him this,... And thats the thing about relationships is that they will evolve no what. And the Ugly hate the person but you 're going to hurt hurt the painful! Cut Contact your passions, your professional goals, etc unfollow each other on social.! Your brain chemistry to find out what Im even doing here magic that.: Acknowledge that it was a choice that had to be and that nothing is permanent, not even pain... Just need some more time to figure everything out the conclusion that you and your made! And one day I 'm in pure heaven, the next is hell one tool that highly! Long-Term commitment best match for you a walk around the block ) I...

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