It stayed, undelivered, in my secret journal. Who God Says I Am Scripture Confession Cards. -CG Jung. This is somewhat analogous to our experience of the moon. But thats not true of everyone. Often, we do not always see all aspects of our loved one's character when we are first in thrall with them. Hiding in all of these reasons why you still love himeven though he keeps hurting you emotionallyis the fact that youre a product of conditioning. Loading. When you pull away from your husband emotionally, you'll discover you have pulled away from God. How could you let this happen?, Maria was taken aback that Jose was making such a fuss about her not having beer in the fridge right when she was trying to calm down and get to bed early. Honey and milk are under your tongue. Bonus: As a bonus for joining my weekly newsletter, get these FREE Scripture Confession Cards. Even when they can figure out what you are feeling, they may not really care. You put them first, do everything to make them happy, and love them no matter what. The truth: You still love your boyfriend because your confidence has eroded under his constant hurtful criticism, and youre not sure anymore that you deserve better. I am not sure if i love him anymore. . Please bear with me while I explain these terms. It can mean that he has all the power and simply takes you for granted. Now you, as I did, feel like your partner doesnt care about hurting your feelings. Avoid judging him, criticizing him, or justifying his habit of pulling away. My Husband is a Disappointing Father (11 Bad Dad Behaviors and How to Counter Them). Your email address will not be published. To him, your emotions and your need to express them are a sign of weakness. Or maybe hell blame his last girlfriend or his ex-wife anyone but himself. Deep down, you may even think staying angry gives you the upper hand and punishes him for hurting you. Know your standards for the treatment youre willing to accept from your man. Don't let him tear you down. Think about what you hunger and thirst for. When your man has hurt you emotionallyonce or as a habitmoving past the pain can be hard. Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love. It fades into the unseen background, while the part that is noticed becomes a bright shiny figure that dominates the persons view of the situation. Naturally, they become more affectionate and devoted towards women who help them feel this way. Forgiving your man doesnt mean you have to forget what hes done. There are some good points in these last few posts. Now What? I decided I didnt want to keep giving a man I wasnt married to the power to pull my emotional strings. Conversations with him remain on the surface. There's a new man in her life. When one of you does not respect the other, it can bring an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship where neither of you see eye to eye with one another. Because you see yourself as strong and independent, yet youre with a man wholets be honestemotionally abuses you. You can start feeling good again, even as you process your pain. You love your man, and one of the many reasons why you stay with him, even though he hurts your feelings all the time, is because youre committed to him. So if you find that he is constantly belittling you over the smallest thing, then you may have to admit that the love has gone from your marriage on his side. I will refer back to it often, as well as, continue to learn more about being Gods daughter. Do they even care what I feel as long as they get their way? Narcissists have little or no emotional empathy. If that is what happens in your relationship and marriage, you want to then take stock of the situation and decide whether you have a future together or not. That's what makes all this so crazy. Whatever you try though, remember that right now your husband is continually hurting your feelings and that is not ok. A very frustrating and hurtful reason for your husband to keep hurting your feelings is that he is a selfish human being. 11. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put them back together." ~Unknown. If you feel like you are in a loveless marriage or with a husband that does not care about how you feel and upsets you a lot, leave your story and comments below. It may even mean that you end up spending more and more time apart in what becomes a loveless marriage. The key is to loosen up your grip on your anger and hurt, no matter how justified you think they are. Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. So you trust that, surely, your boyfriend has good intentions even when he hurts you emotionally. Thats how much longer itll take for you to feel good again. Ah, the million-dollar question. Occupy your mind. I firmly believe that no one could survive his family & if, by some miracle, he did change, we'd definitely have to move away from them. Sneaking out of your own home with your heart in your throat, praying you dont make a wrong step and shatter your chance at having a semi-peaceful day? You love him with all your heart, which is obvious to anyone who knows the inside story. There was a time when I was quite black-and-white with relationships. He may also assume youre trying to manipulate him and simply brush you off. Leaving your husband is an emotionally difficult time, but also the practicalities that surround it are hard too. Letting go of the past, including people who . But that doesnt make what theyre saying right. But heres the thing that makes all the difference for you: How he receives what you have to say is really none of your business. Often, however, in a marriage, there is always one person that wants to keep talking and working out issues. Im so glad youve found what you needed here and that God led you to it . Accept that you might never know the reason for the hurtful behavior. They (him & his family) have always taken a superior attitude & make those around them feel inferior. It is after you have had this conversation that you can then make a decision about what you would like to do in future. And Id have fixed them before he had to tell me to do it. Do you still love him? Hell be the strong one and remain stoic and calm, even if part of him knows you want to see hes capable of empathy. Leave your name, email and any other details so that we can contact you with similar articles if you would think them helpful. The first time, you just opened yourself up and there it was. These events help to increase your self-worth and make you feel good about yourself. Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., CGP, is a Gestalt therapy trainer who specializes in teaching the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid adaptations. All he has to do is raise his voice, slam a door, punch a wall, or glare menacingly, and everyone will know just how dangerous he can be. So once youve started unraveling your tangle of emotions and have a better handle on what youre feeling and why, consider sharing it with your boyfriend. They realize immediately what they just did, and a rush of different emotions fills them. Flooding, or emotional overload, can be repaired when both people in the relationship learn to stop defending themselves and slow down their communication. We would love to hear them and our readers take a great deal of comfort in hearing about people in similar situations and circumstances. After ditching those lies and going hard after what God has for me, I now know thatwith a little courage and simple, doable stepsyou can find the freedom to live your best God-given life. His lack of emotional empathy made him indifferent to Saras pain and how his words might be affecting her. Sadly, when your husband's behaviour seems to betray a man who no longer cares about your feelings, then he may well mean he's ready to move on and wants to leave you. As you work on forgiving him, dont try forcing yourself to do the impossible of forgetting what hes done. It is important to let him know how you are feeling so he can take action to change his behavior if he wants to. He may not be aware he is doing this and if that is the case then you probably do not need to worry too much about the state of your relationship. The reason being is that if a man does not respect you and your opinions, you could also be setting yourself up for a subservient type of life and one where you will never be happy. You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. Their protective shell keeps them from feeling invested in or bothered to any serious degree by anyone elses struggles. But it will never intentionally undermine your confidence and self-worth. It could well be that after you call him out on his selfishness, that he stops acting in such a self involved manner and start putting you first. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Now check your email to confirm your subscription. Some go through the motions of pretending to care because they know it is the normal thing to dobut it is work. Just like I was bracing myself for the next time my boyfriend hurt my feelings. After all, hes been perfectly clear that hes not willing to change or grow. You may feel that all your efforts to fix the marriage doesn't work. Standing alone is better than standing with people who hurt you. Now I just have to figure out if I'm willing to continue on this path or finally put it to an end. Narcissists often react to minor events, like being made to wait on line or not getting exactly what they want when they want it, almost as strongly as getting slapped in the face. This is quite simply not the case and never will be. My husband stopped with his snide remarks when I started giving them back to him when he made them. I appreciate everyone's comments & I do know that what y'all are saying is true. Your clothes are scented like the cedars of Lebanon. He escorts me to the banquet hall; its obvious how much he loves me. Think of a calming place or do something else to distract yourself when flashbacks of the betrayal trigger negative thoughts. What thought or circumstance caused you to feel it all over again? Then when your boyfriend starts throwing hurtful, critical words at you, you can separate truth from manipulation. Maria had planned to go to bed early and get as much rest as possible the night before the big exam. For years, I fell into that & felt that obviously I was the one with all these problems. If you respond to his snapping at you with anger, you may make the situation worse and not better. And I decided on new Bible-based standards for myself, and I enforced themand keep doing so every day. Hell keep his armor on at all times, even with abundant proof he doesnt need it with you. You can feel good even while you still feel emotionally hurt by your man. Knowing what to do when your boyfriend doesn't care anymore, or if you feel you husband doesn't care about hurting your feelings, can be a tricky thing to decide upon. Get curious about why that thought came up or why that circumstance triggered you. He genuinely feels like "everything he does is . Use this quick checklist for what to do when your boyfriend keeps hurting you emotionally: I came across this article and also read the attached links. God made me this way. That youre sub-standard and youre lucky to have him. I want to address the last one first. Will you keep sliding out of bed like a ninja every morning? I am so grateful. He doesn't judge anyone. 7. Which is why I was sneaking around like a ninja in my own house. Absolutely! However, women are usually quite quick to point out when their husbands are spending too much time with their friends as opposed to with their wife, children or family. 15 Signs You Could Be A Heyoka Empath, What Type of Woman Is An Alpha Male Attracted To? Timing: Some of the hurt that narcissists cause is related to their need to express their negative feelings about you, or something that you have done, the very moment that they feel them. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 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